Romance, or Who Even Knows?

Originally posted On Tumblr but reposted here for archiving. Please note that my views and personal identification have changed since this was first written. Please see my about for details on how I identify.

My romantic orientation has gone out of the window in the last few months, and I thought that maybe writing it all down would help me to sort my thoughts and feelings out. Under the cut because no one really wants to hear about this.

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Demigirl Wanda

Originally posted on Tumblr.

Demigirl Wanda, who never really felt connected to other girls or the concept of ‘womanhood’.

They always loved wearing dresses, but at the same time there was always something that didn’t quite feel… there.

Whilst training to be an Avenger, Wanda became close with Clint, who taught them about different gender identities.

For a while, they thought they were a girl, then they thought maybe they were agender, but after a while they came to the conclusion that they were a mix of the two.

Demigirl Wanda, who wears their superhero name like a badge of honour – “Men were witches too, you know, so why can’t I be?”

After a while they start vetting the press and any ex-SHIELD operatives working for Tony to check that they aren’t transphobic (or ex-Hydra).

Demigirl Wanda, who just wishes Pietro was there to see them finally learn who they are.

Genderflux Steve

Originally posted on Tumblr.

Genderflux Steve, whose understanding of his own gender changes by the day.

Steve, who always figured his disorientation around gender was linked to his illnesses because the slide from no gender to being a guy felt like the start of an asthma attack. He was surprised when the serum had no effect on it.

He started feeling dysphoric after the serum because he’d never really seen his body as a man’s until they started referring to him as the ‘perfect soldier’.

Genderflux Steve, who enjoyed wearing the old uniform because he could see it as a chance to be America’s biggest, manliest hero or as being emasculating because of the tights.

When he wakes up in the 21st century, he feels like he’s being seen more like a man than ever and it makes him feel like he needs to play a part; by the time of the Winter Soldier, he’s used to ignoring the dysphoria and strange… lack that he often feels.

Genderflux Steve, who sees Bucky and remembers how often he’d tried to articulate the strange sliding / asthma feeling, and how often he’d been jealous of Bucky’s ease in being a man.

He mentions his feelings, hesitantly, to Sam, who quickly redirects him to the internet.

The next day, Captain America publicly endorses a number of trans organisations in the middle of a completely unrelated interview.

Comments Comments Comments (Part I)

Originally posted on Tumblr but reposted here for archiving. Please note that my views may have changed since this was first posted.

It’s always a mistake to read the comments on articles – I’ve heard that even the Guardian comment section is a minefield. Still, I decided that for once I would go and look at them anyway on this article.

It’s like reading mini-essays (the people who read the NY Times are apparently rather eloquent), but they all say near enough the same thing as you’d expect. I was going to just click off the site and find something better to do when a comment caught my eye and basically just made me really angry.

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Bigender Bruce

Originally posted on Tumblr.

Bigender Bruce, who used to shift between agender and male.

Bruce, who found out after they first turned into the Hulk that they no longer felt male. They didn’t know whether to still call themselves bigender or not because there was still a part of them that was male – it was just a more separate entity now.

Bigender Bruce, who eventually decided that they had to keep that link between them and the Hulk to stop him from feeling isolated and to stop them from forgetting that the Hulk was still part of them and was still their fault.

Bruce, who cringes every time they call the Hulk ‘the other guy’, because that implies that they’re a guy. They can’t find a different term that will keep both them and him satisfied, so they stick to the old one. They resent that one turn of phrase almost as much as they resent his destructive tendencies after a while.

They often wonder if the radiation changed them that much, or if the split between their two identities was inevitable. It makes them question whether they were ever really bigender at all, and they spend hours looking for research on gender identities and systems. They never find anything that satisfies them until Tony explains how Jarvis had been shattered by Ultron but could still be brought together as one thing, and they feel a lot more comfortable in their identity.

Coming Out

Originally posted on Tumblr but reposted here for archiving. Please note that my views may have changed since this was written.

I mentioned a few days ago that I wanted to talk about this, and so here I am, talking about this.

I’ve seen a lot of ‘no’ responses to ‘should I come out’, and it’s kind of been bothering me. Of course, nobody ever tells anyone what to do and it may be mainly on AVEN where this happens rather than anywhere else, but I see people say that they’re worried about coming out to their parents or friends or just about anyone, or ask if they should come out, and the majority of responses I see to that are somewhere along the lines of ‘I never did because I didn’t see it as a big deal’.

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Neutrois Sam

Originally posted on Tumblr.

Neutrois Sam, who thinks their mother must have already known their gender identity when she gave them their name – she admits that she knew when they were quite young (although neither of them had the words for it at the time) but not before they were born.

Sam, who makes sure that the VA is welcoming to non binary and trans folks and makes sure there’s always a few leaflets about gender identity on hand for if they’re needed.

Neutrois Sam, who hated the macho culture of the military.

Sam, who always had difficulty finding a partner who would respect their gender identity until they met Riley.

They were worried when they got back in to help Steve that they would find themself back in that macho culture without Riley’s support, but thankfully they were wrong.

I Wish I Was Asexual

Originally posted on Tumblr but reposted here for archiving. Please note that my views may have changed since this was first written.

I go on the ace tags a lot. And I see a lot of people saying ‘I wish I was asexual’. And I’m torn between calling these people out because it’s just so damn hurtful and leaving them be because they very rarely actually tag with ‘asexual’ and often are just venting about their own problems to themselves and a select few internet folks.

So I need a minute to let off steam about this.

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