I am doing the genderqueer challenge again! I’m relatively sure that I did it before, but alas I can’t find it on either of my blogs. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to find the original and this one, compare them, and laugh at how much I’ve changed.
Day 1: Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
I actually don’t really use genderqueer at all — I don’t know many people (or rather, know of) many people that do, so I guess I’m just in the wrong circles for it?
So, you might ask, why are you doing a challenge for an identity which you don’t have? Well, mainly because I’ve never seen a ‘nonbinary challenge’, and I know that a lot of people use gq and nb interchangeably, so I figure it will be interesting to look at even so (and I really need something to get me blogging again!).
But back to the question, the main term I use nowadays is nonbinary. I’ve been through a lot of terms, but nonbinary is the one that just keeps sticking there, so it’s the one I use – it’s also the one that’s most useful, since it’s accurate enough to signal what I want to signal to most people, well-known enough that there’s a reasonably large group of people I share the term with (I like having a big community) and also well-known enough that I don’t (online at least) have to explain what it is. This comes up later in the challenge, so I won’t go into it in too much detail, but I do sometimes identify as trans. Sometimes I don’t. It’s weird.
The final term that I use, which I use pretty much entirely for my own benefit and don’t really mention, is quoigender. Which, long story short, is me saying that I really don’t have a clue what my gender is and I have (for the moment) given up trying to work it out. My understanding of my gender changes a lot, but I don’t know if that’s because I come at it from different angles a lot (expression! pronouns! how I act when I’m misgendered! how I feel if I think about it really hard!) or because my gender is actually changing. Who knows? I certainly don’t! All I know is that my gender feels… apart from the binary somehow (I always envision my gender as in a cluster of stars that is not in between these two big stars that are the binary genders) but alas I don’t have the words to articulate it better than I have, and so (because our words aid our understanding as well as the other way round) I don’t know what my gender is and I don’t believe I ever will. Hence quoigender!